I Will Be Brave
by Moonscribe
Summary: The night before Anakin's big race, Shmi reflects on her decision to let him help Qui-Gon and Padme


Title: "I Will be Brave"

Author: Moonscribe

Type: Star Wars - General

Rating: PG

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Shmi Skywalker gently ruffled her son's hair. 

"Aw, Mom" he said, but he did not squirm away like he usually did. She lowered her hand and stroked his face, her fingers lingering on the softness of his round cheeks.

__

Oh, Anakin, she thought_. Do you know how much I love you? And how much I fear for you, for me._

"Is everything ready for tomorrow?" she asked.

"Yep. With the power pack Qui-Gon gave me, I'm sure to beat Sebulba this time."

"Anakin, promise me you won't take any unnecessary risks."

"Mom, you say that every time I race."

Shmi hugged him then, suddenly and fiercely. 

"I know I do, sweetheart, but this time---." She stopped. She was not going to trouble Anakin with her fears.

Anakin looked up at her with his wide, clear eyes. 

"Nothing will happen, Mom. I promise."

Shmi sighed and kissed his forehead. She poked him gently between his eyes. 

"Now close those eyes. And get some sleep."

She pulled his blankets up to his chin. Reaching over she pressed off his lamp and stood.

"Good night, Anakin."

"Good night, Mom. I love you."

"I love you, too, sweetheart."

She closed his door behind her. Turning, she walked down the short hallway to her bedroom where Padme was sleeping. Finding room for her, Jar Jar and Qui-Gon had been difficult, but not impossible. Padme was sharing her room, Jar Jar was sleeping in the small storeroom in the back and Shmi had laid out a pallet for Qui-Gon in the front room.

As Shmi walked slowly down the hallway, she thought about how today should have been a day like any other in her and Anakin's life. Anakin would have come home from Watto's shop to find his dinner waiting for him. As they ate, he would have told her about his day at the shop; how many customers he had helped, what broken machinery he had fixed, what he had seen and thought and felt that day, his voice breathless in his rush to tell her everything. 

Then, after they had cleared away the dishes and finished their chores, the two of they would have sat outside in the soft coolness of the evening air, listening to the voices of the other inhabitants of the slave quarters. Shmi would have told Anakin stories she remembered from her childhood and he, looking up at the stars wheeling above them, would have shared with her his dreams to someday fly away and see them all.

But today had been different, and although she had not expected it, she had also not been terribly surprised to find a gangly alien, a beautiful dark-haired girl and a tall bearded stranger standing in her home.

Maybe she had dreamt it long ago and had forgotten it, that was why it had seemed so familiar. Because for a brief moment, as Shmi had stared at the strangers standing in her home, she thought she recognized the girl. In a dream she'd once had. A dream of a slender dark-haired young woman dressed all in white, with features similar to the shyly smiling girl standing before her. 

The girl in her dream had been in danger, Shmi remembered, frightened, alone, yet defiant. And there had been another presence in the dream, a tall, menacing creature in black body armor, its face hidden by a dark metal mask, its breath hissing through a mechanical apparatus, towering over the girl, demanding that she give him something it wanted, threatening her with violence and torture if she did not. 

And for a brief, dreadful moment while she was caught within the terrifying web of her dream, Shmi thought she recognized the dreadful creature looming over the young woman, but she had woken up, her heart racing, before she could identify that cold, pitiless voice.

Anakin's bright voice had pulled Shmi out of her remembrance of that terrible dream as he pulled the girl to his room to show her that droid he'd been tinkering with. The tall man had then introduced himself as Qui-Gon Jinn, explaining in a courteous voice that Anakin had been kind enough to offer them shelter from the sand storm raging outside. 

He had reached beneath his poncho and graciously given her food rations for their dinner. She had been thankful for that. Shmi was not one to turn away anyone in need, but there was usually only enough food for her and Anakin, even on the best of days.

Shmi sighed again as she quietly entered her sleep room. She could hear Padme breathing softly. The girl was so beautiful. And there was a serenity and refined gentility about her that did not fit with her rough-hewn clothing. 

Shmi smiled softly when she thought of the way Anakin had watched Padme's every movement, his eyes following her wherever she went. It was obvious that Anakin was very impressed with her. As Shmi herself was.

Shmi quietly slipped out of her workday clothes and into a soft, though slightly worn, nightdress. She slid into bed next to Padme. The girl turned slightly in her sleep, her dark hair spilling over her shoulders. 

Looking at her, Shmi wondered what it would have been like to have had a daughter of her own. Would she have been as beautiful as this girl was?

Shmi sank her head gratefully onto her headrest. It had been a long day, but then all the days of a slave's life were long. The darkness was soothing to her after the harsh brightness of the day. Although she had long grown accustomed to the merciless glare and heat of Tatooine's double suns, she relished the darkness and coolness of the night.

She turned slowly on her side and coiled her arm under her head. Sleep would not come quickly this night she knew. The presence of the strangers in her home, the race tomorrow, and the fears that accompanied such thoughts weighed on her mind. Tomorrow would not be just another race. Tomorrow, she knew, would change her and Anakin's life forever. The tall regal Jedi who slept in her front room would have a hand in that, she suspected. 

Qui-Gon. An unusual name for an unusual man. He was powerfully built, but there was a gentleness in his voice and his eyes that had immediately set Shmi at ease. 

She smiled again in the darkness. Leave it to Anakin to discover that their guest wasn't just some wandering trader or for-hire freighter pilot. The man who slept in her front room was a Jedi Knight, the fabled defenders of peace and justice in the Republic. That he was a Jedi had also explained the aura of power and strength she had sensed about him. Anakin had often told her about his dreams in which he was a Jedi Knight.

"I had a dream I was a Jedi, Mom," Anakin would say to her at least once a month. And Shmi would smile and say something noncommittal, but each time Anakin told her about those dreams, a strange coldness would wrap itself around her heart and she would imagine that instead of her son's bright, clear voice, she heard the mechanical breathing of some dark, angry presence.

Shmi stared wide-eyed in the darkness. What would happen tomorrow? Would she lose Anakin? Would she have to watch him finally crash his pod racer, see his little body broken and bloodied? What had compelled her to tell Qui-Gon and Padme that Anakin was meant to help them? Where had those words come from? 

She wrapped her arms about herself and trembled. She was going to lose her son. She knew that with as much certainty as she knew that the double suns would rise in the morning.

Tears welled in Shmi's eyes. Yet how could she lose something that had never been hers. She had never been able to explain Anakin's conception, even to herself. But she knew from the moment she had felt the first fluttering of his tiny life within her, that he was very special and that he had a destiny that could never be fulfilled as long as he was a slave on Tatooine.

She could stop it. Forbid Anakin to race. Insist that Qui-Gon and Padme find some other way to obtain the parts they needed for their starship. But she knew she would not. Could not. There was no other way. Not for them. Not for her. Not for Anakin. What ever happened tomorrow was destined to happen. It was written in the stars.

I will be brave, she thought. For Anakin's sake and for her own. Soon, Shmi was asleep, lost in her dreams, her tears drying on her face. 

The End


End file.
